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Sunday, October 5, 2014

A Fence or an Ambulance - How's your family dealing with Porn?

Read this: A Fence or an Ambulance by Joseph Malins (1895) -a poem about prevention. Marilyn-Smith-Stone shares this poem and this picture on her webpage. (I borrowed it and added the words-"Addiction Recovery")
Read this: Healing Hidden Wounds ,- recent Ensign Article -September 2014.
Ask this: How are you and your family dealing with pornography and other sexualized messaging in your home? Are you "building a fence" or "driving an ambulance?" 

If the following statement is true-which I believe it is-our children will be exposed to sexualized messaging including porn.

"NEARLY ALL of today’s teenagers will come in contact with pornography 
by the time they turn 18...The question seems 
to be no longer IF our children 
will be exposed to pornography but WHEN
—and how they will cope." 
(Healing Hidden Wounds, Ensign September 2014)

Our youth will either have sufficient "coping" skills and knowledge to successfully navigate sexualized messaging or they will not. And if not another youth will be seeing dr rick and being removed from the home etc etc ... or some other serious consequence. :(

FACT: As we confront porn addiction, it is critical for us to shift our focus from "the ambulance of addiction recoveryto "the fence of wellness and prevention."

I disagree with the article Healing Hidden Wounds when it says "Let's Face the Facts: ...Indeed, we can expect many of our youth to be wounded (by porn addiction) in this battle." Give me a break. If you think I'm just going to sit back while my children and grandchildren experience porn addiction - you are out of your mind!  etc etc 

Clearly with the correct resources we can successfully resist "ANY TEMPTATION" including porn. And we can inoculate our children and grandchildren with the skills and knowledge to prevent porn addiction.

The scriptures teach this: 
Be watchful unto prayer continually, that ye may not be led away by the temptations of the devil, that he may not overpower you, that ye may not become his subjects at the last day; for behold, he rewardeth you no good thing. Alma 34:39
Church leaders teach this:
When you have taken a determined stand for right, when you have established personal standards and made covenants to keep them, when temptations come and you act according to your standards, you will be reinforced and given strength beyond your own capacity if that is needed. Difficulty comes when you enter the battle of temptation without a fixed plan (Richard G. Scott, “Do What Is Right,” Ensign, June 1997, 53).
FACT: There is an urgency to do something. We do need a "fixed plan" to porn proof our kids.  

We know the effective components of a prevention program. We've done it for years with Alcohol and Drug Prevention. Effective prevention programs include factors like: enhancing protective factors-religious/spiritual activities; enhancing family bonding and relationships; addressing risk factors; improving the youth's social-competence; skill building; etc etc (See: Prevention Principles, National Institute of Drug Abuse).There are dozens of successful Alcohol and Drug Prevention programs (See: Programs At a Glance section in this Communities that Care document). Communities That Care is perhaps the most effective and best researched. They claim their prevention program: "employs a proven, community-change process for reducing youth violence, alcohol & tobacco use, and delinquency – through tested & effective programs and policies…"  

FACT: There are effective Alcohol and Drug Programs-that prevent alcohol and drug use and addiction! 

If we as parents, grandparents and leaders wait until we see the "Signs of Addiction" it's already too late!!! Waiting until the disease arrives -is like managing your child's health during flu season by looking for symptoms: A 100 degrees F or higher fever;  A cough and/or sore throat; A runny or stuffy nose; etc etc. At which point your child has the flu and it's time to take them to the doctor! When this happens we've already fell off the edge of the cliff. Prevention would have the child: Wash their hands often with soap and water or an alcohol-based hand rub; Try to avoid close contact with sick people; Practice good health habits- Get plenty of sleep and exercise, manage your stress, drink plenty of fluids, and eat healthy food; Get vaccinated: etc etc 

Did I tell you the story about the Deacon who had NOT been inoculated  ...
The active LDS Family was court ordered to see me. Their 12 year old son was charged with a couple of felony sex charges for molesting his younger sister.  During my interviews this young boy recalled his "weird feelings" (sexual arousal) started as he passed by a "big sign" (Billboard) of a woman in a sports bra measuring her breasts. He and his family passed the billboard regularly.  As he experienced the new feelings of puberty h
e learned to masturbate on his own and became aroused by the roadside image. One thing led to another. In short, he was exposed to "a germ" of Satan's misuse of sexual arousal. He had no immunity (skills or knowledge) to deal with this sexual message. He got "sick".  (Note: This young man had never seen pornography (picture of people with their clothes off), never missed church, the best kid ever ...)

Let me remind you, Satan and his special forces are very good at what they do. (See: Your Personal Devil)

“We know our youth are faced with horrible, terrible temptations that would lead them astray. We must do everything we can to ... HELP THEM BE PREPARED 
to overcome those temptations..."

  (Charles W. Dahlquist II, Four Heavenly Helps, New Era August 2005)


  1. First of all a fence or a ambulance is only a TEMPORARY thing. Fences fall down and a ambulance only takes you to a place where you can be healed. I would say build a solid wall with a good foundation, such as the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-days has. Build your foundation upon Jesus the Christ and make the wall solid. This way you will not need the ambulance to take you anywhere to get help. I have been a "worldly" person and know about what porn can do to a person and always have never liked it. Times Square during the 50's was loaded with porn and even though I was NOT a member of the Church, I stayed away from there. Some of my friends used to call me square, but that was alright with me. Porn just seemed filthy to me and I just did not see any gain in it. Even magazines were sort of dirty to me, some of you know what kind I am talking about. Even in the Army, I stayed away from porn. There are just some things that are not allowed in my life and I have a solid wall against porn.