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Sunday, October 19, 2014

Porn Proofing Booster #1: The Body

#1: Body Booster: Acceptance and understanding the divine nature of the body. 

You know all this but let me quickly remind you of the basic concepts.

Encourage youth to establish habits of good nutrition, hygiene, grooming, and exercise. Help them to accept their body's divine nature and destiny. Teach them that they are in control of who touches their bodies and how. Remind them "they are the boss of their body." Each youth goes through puberty. Begin early helping them to prepare for these predictable body changes. Teach correct names for body parts and functions. Remind youth often about the biological nature of God's sexual response and their Spirit's responsibility to manage their body's sexual response.

Remember, as an Inspired Parent with Common Sense you determine the dose size, the frequency of administration, and the timing of the immunization boosters. For a quick review see: Porn Proofing Kids: Directions.

Here are a sample of essential Body Boosters for Porn Proofing Kids.
  • Repeat often the concept that the Body is a Temple. As old as this saying is, it is critical to help youth understand and accept Paul's teaching (1 Corinthians 3:16-17).  Our bodies were created in the image of God. They are a gift from Heavenly Father to allow us to experience mortality, procreate, and continue to become more like Him. To the extent youth understand and accept this concept is the extent they dress modestly, have a tattoo free body, and recognizes appropriate touch.
  • Use Correct Names for Body Parts and Functions. One way to reinforce "The Body is a Temple" is to immediately begin using scientific names for sexual parts and functions. Never use slang! Slang terms are not in keeping with the divine origin of our bodies. For example use "Breasts" not "Boobs" and "Penis" not "Weenie" etc etc  
  • Have Open Discussions About PubertyBy age 10 or 11 a young person should have a general understanding about what is about to happen to their bodies during puberty. In many ways, "preparing for puberty" is like "preparing for baptism."  (Both are a baptism by fire!) Provide lessons and multiple discussions about puberty. Early on in puberty parents should have additional detailed discussions about topics like menstruation for girls and wet-dreams for boys. 
  • Teach Sexual Response as a Biological Response. This is one of those facts science has taught us in recent years. There is lots of resources teaching how brain chemistry relates to viewing pornography, touching and the sexual response. The sexual response although "God Given," functions through hormones and neurotransmitters.  In order for a youth to control the sexual response they will have to first recognize their personal sexual response and the ability of their Spirit to control that response (See: Anatomy of a Soul.) It's your job as a parent to teach about that sacred response. NOT MINE!
As we combat the plague of Ebola we have learned taking an individual's temperature is essential. In a similar way, as we combat the plague of pornography and immorality we also need to take the youth's temperature.

Remember in Porn Proofing Kids - Directions we talked about how you take someone's temperature:

Directions in taking temperatures:
  • First: ASK A QUESTION as you become aware of  a sexual message from TV, print, billboard, music, video game, cereal box, news, etc etc. OR create the conversation on your own.
  • Second: SAY NOTHING (That's right shut-up): LISTEN with the intent to discern which Porn Proofing Booster is required; how strong of a Booster Dose is needed; and when best to deliver the Booster.
For now, do NOT worry about the Third: TEACH step.
Just ASK, shut-up and LISTEN.

Sample Questions That Take "Body" Temperatures
Here are some sample questions to assist you in Taking a Youth's Temperature. Add to this list your own ideas. Remind the youth it's okay to say sexual words and have this discussion with you. As an Inspired Parent with Common Sense you will adapt these questions to you and your family's  specific needs.

ASK: WHAT parts of a girl's / boy's body would be wrong for you to touch? 
(Listen for the names the youth uses for body parts. 
Listen for their understanding of good/bad touch.)

SAY: We went to the temple today. We heard the phrase "Sexual Relations" several times during the temple session.  Why do you think "Sexual Relations" are talked about in the Temple? What do you think "Sexual Relations" means when they talk about it in the temple? 
(Listen to see how comfortable the youth is in saying the word "sex" to you. 
Listen to their understanding of the divine role of sex.) 

READ: Ask the youth to read out loud - to you- this quote from LDS.org.
Conception occurs after the mother’s ovary releases an egg, which enters her fallopian tubes. Millions of sperm are released into the wife’s vagina through the husband’s penis. These cells propel themselves up the vagina, into the uterus, and  toward the egg. If one sperm enters the egg, conception has occurred. The egg then travels down the fallopian tubes and attaches to the lining of the uterus (womb). This lining and the egg pass off monthly through menstruation, unless the egg is fertilized by a male sperm cell. (A Parent's Guide, Chapter 4)
What happens to a boy/girl during puberty? What did you feel when you read these words out loud? Why do you think you feel that way? How do you feel knowing your body having (or will have) the capacity for sexual relations and creating life -like the Gods?
(Listen to see how comfortable the youth is in reading "sexual" words to you. 
Listen to their understanding of puberty and sexual relations.) 

WATCH this video "Your Brain in Lust & in Love" with the youth. Ask, What role does the brain play in "Lust and Love?"  
(Listen and look for acceptance of a biological component of sexual arousal. 
Listen to their understanding of touch and sexual feelings.) 

LOOK: With the youth, look at a public Facebook or Web Page of a popular singer or group. The best intro is to say "Who is your favorite singer/group? Let's go to their Facebook Page or Webpage." Together look at a few images from that page asking "How do you think they feel about their bodies?" "What do think about people having tattoos?/ multiple piercings?" If they have no ideas go to Lady Gaga - lots of LDS Kids like her and her songs. Here's her Facebook Page: Lady Gaga Facebook Page. (Warning: usually these pages have images of persons who are immodestly dressed- so be prepared)
(Listen to see how comfortable the youth is in sharing her/his favorite singer to you. 
Listen to their understanding of the body.) 

(Do not administer the Booster! You are likely not ready.) 
Simply take their temperature. 
(And don't get mad and start preaching if you're lucky 
enough to have your child actually talk to you!!!) 

NOTE: At this point some of you are overwhelmed with the open and direct conversations about the very sacred discussions regarding the body and it's functions.  Nevertheless,
Talk to them plainly about sex and the teaching of the gospel regarding chastity. (M. Russell Ballard, “Like a Flame Unquenchable,” Ensign, May 1999.)
You are at a crossroads. You have a decision to make.
Today we have a rebirth of ancient Sodom and Gomorrah. From seldom-read pages in dusty Bibles they come forth as real cities in a real world, depicting a real malady—pernicious permissiveness. We have the capacity and the responsibility to stand as a bulwark between all we hold dear and the fatal contamination of the pornography beetle. (Thomas S. Monson, Pornography The Deadly Carrier, Conference Oct 1979)
Porn Proofing Kids is a medical process focused on prevention of a terrible disease and saving a youth's soul. (If it was Ebola I was talking about - to what lengths would you go to prevent your child from Ebola?)   You are an Inspired Parent with Common Sense. Trust yourself. God is on your side. You can do hard things. Porn Proofing Kids is a hard thing. Maybe practice first with your spouse, with an easy child, with a mirror or even your dog would do. :)

As you are impressed begin administering Body Boosters! Here are some resources - Body Booster Resources and an example of a Body Booster "Muscles and Men" and a 9 year old boy.

Take your child's Body Booster temperature. Today!
Determine if there is a need to administer one of the above Body Boosters in your home.

Review Porn Proofing Kids Series:
Porn Proofing Kids - Intro
Porn Proofing Kids - Directions
Porn Proofing Booster #1: The Body
Body Booster Resources
Porn Proofing Booster #2: Gender
Gender Booster Resources
Porn Proofing Booster #3: Intimacy
Intimacy Booster Resources

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®2014 dr rick 

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Porn Proofing Kids-Directions

Your children and grandchildren must be inoculated against "Porn" 
- this great plague of Satan misusing God's Sexual Response. 

While the child is growing-up administer the five essential "boosters." These boosters are:
Booster #1: BodyAcceptance and understanding of the divine nature of the body. See: Body Booster Resources
Booster #2: Gender: Acceptance and understanding of gender roles as defined by God. See: Gender Booster Resources
Booster #3: Intimacy: Acceptance and understanding of healthy touching, affection, and sexual relations.
Booster #4: Screen TimeAcceptance and understanding of responsible use of screen time (electronic devices).
Booster #5: Good and EvilAcceptance and understanding of the roles of Satan and God.
"Teach them correct principles they govern themselves" 
(Messages of the First Presidency, comp. James R. Clark, 6 vols., Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1965–75, 3:54.)

I realize many of you will not like my approach to "Porn Proof" kids. You are use to having  concepts "spoon fed" or "spelled out" in great detail for you. I have too much confidence in your inspired role as a parent and grandparent to interfere with God's best delivery system-YOU! I will give you a simple understanding of the Boosters and a few guidelines as time permits

Consider yourself the nurse or doctor that must administer the actual immunization - booster. I cannot do that for you. I don't even know where you live.

An Inspired Parent is the foundation upon which Porn Proofing Kids is built. If you do not have the time and motivation as a parent to inoculate your child ... STOP NOW!
And begin saving money ... I (and other professionals) will gladly take your money for payment of my (our) services at a later date.

If you can take the time and have the motivation to immunize your child against porn... START NOW! And learn about the essential Boosters to build Healthy SexualityAn inspired parent is a parent who fasts, prays, and ponders his/her responsibilities in administering these boosters to each child. It's not uncommon for each child to require his/her own unique inoculation regime.

There is no greater force to strengthen the immunization of a child than their father or mother obtaining help from the Lord.
The Lord has placed on you as a parent the primary responsibility to teach your children. Though this is a great responsibility, it is also a divine privilege to have Heavenly Father’s children entrusted to your care. One of the most important concepts that the Lord expects you to teach your children is the righteous meaning and use of intimate physical relations between a man and a woman (sexual relations). (A Parent's Guide, 1985, LDS.org) 
Here are a few things to keep in mind.


Boosters are administered in any order, with different dosages and frequency.  In today's world a 10 year old who had just been molested by an older cousin may need some very detailed information about the Boosters: Bodies and Good and Evil. On the other hand a teen who has no interest in video games, TV, or smartphones has no need for a Screen Time Booster. Generally, your child should receive at least one of the five Boosters each day! For example, one day after "Gay Marriage" is legalized in your state, you may need a frequent and high dose of the Gender Booster. On another day, a single small dose of the Good and Evil Booster is sufficient.

Caution: Too many boosters with too much information (too high of a dose)- can sexualize and overwhelm your child. For example, you could create an unnatural interest in sex too early. However, too few boosters with not enough content (too low a dose) fails to provide sufficient immunity to effectively deal with this plague.  Like Ebola, Satan's misuse of God's sexual response can kill you-spiritually.

Common sense and an inspired parent can discern when and how much is required.

Sexual messaging is everywhere...even Church. Just last Sunday my wife commented about a teen in our ward wearing a dress so short "you could see her butt." Be prepared to administer a Booster to a toddler as well as a young adult. Boosters are administered with "words" or "an example." Be alert to sexual messaging on tv, video games, radio, music, billboards, advertising, Internet, etc etc -Pause the tv, video game, the conversation etc etc and deliver the Booster by asking a question--What did they just say? Followed by What does that mean? Or think of your own questions.

Common sense and an inspired parent can discern how a booster is administered.

Remember the old concept of "boosters?" You go to the doctors, expose your butt cheek, the nurse says this is going to hurt, and you get the shot. The shot hurts. How many of your kids want shots? Boosters? Exactly NONE!  Many times this is true for administering  Porn Proofing Boosters. Your children may NOT want to talk about it. Or become oppositional to receiving your booster etc etc - Doesn't matter. They need the boosters. (Be careful you do not become preachy and churchy in the delivery of a Booster.)

Common sense and an inspired clever parent can administer a booster even when the child is resistant.

"Words" are the "syringes" used to inject the Booster.  (Others are delivered by your example.) If you're not asking questions and teaching you are not immunizing your child. The most powerful way to create a Booster Discussion is by asking clever questions. If you have difficulty doing this, consider the fact that you may have some personal issues to work through. You will have to learn to do hard things if you are to successfully inoculate your child.

How else will you know if they're sick?
Questions are the best thermometer.
  • First: ASK -WHAT.....? Identify a sexual message from TV, print, billboard, music, video game, cereal box, news, etc etc. Ask a what question like "What did that message just say?" "What do you think that message means?" You may add other questions like "Why... would they be saying that?" or "Where ... did you learn that?" 
  • Second: SAY NOTHING (That's right shut-up): LISTEN with the intent to discern which Booster and how strong of Booster Dose your child may require.
  • Third: TEACH. Deliver the Booster. Perhaps right then and there, perhaps next week in Family Home Evening LessonPerhaps in a personal interview with your child.
Common sense and an inspired parent can use inspired questions and words in delivering a booster.

Did I tell you the story about the Young Women's President...
A while ago, I gave a lecture regarding "media literacy." I mentioned  the need for adults and parents to ask questions about the sexualized world around us as we encounter it. This "Booster" helps youth process sexual information and build an immunity.  Afterwards a Young Women's President approached me saying "No way would I ask any question while I'm with the girls."  During my lecture I gave the example of a group of young women giggling in the back seat as they drove by a bill board displaying a sexual message and the need for the Youth Leader to ask a question maybe something like: Why are you girls giggling about that bill board? What message is that bill board sending? I didn't want the youth leader to "Teach" or even make any comments-Just join and facilitate a conversation that was already going on! This Young Women's President explained numerous reasons why she would absolutely ignore the sign, the girls, the sexual innuendos (And not take the girls' temperature.) -saying: They would tell their parents. I would get in trouble. We're not suppose to talk about sex with them. etc etc (See: You Can't Say That in a Chapel) :(

Begin TODAY.
Review the five Porn Proofing Boosters listed above.
Ponder each of your children.
What impressions do you have?

Review Porn Proofing Kids Series:
Porn Proofing Kids - Intro
Porn Proofing Booster #1: The Body
Body Booster Resources
Porn Proofing Booster #2: Gender
Gender Booster Resources
Porn Proofing Booster #3: Intimacy
Intimacy Booster Resources

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®2014 dr rick 

Sunday, October 5, 2014

A Fence or an Ambulance - How's your family dealing with Porn?

Read this: A Fence or an Ambulance by Joseph Malins (1895) -a poem about prevention. Marilyn-Smith-Stone shares this poem and this picture on her webpage. (I borrowed it and added the words-"Addiction Recovery")
Read this: Healing Hidden Wounds ,- recent Ensign Article -September 2014.
Ask this: How are you and your family dealing with pornography and other sexualized messaging in your home? Are you "building a fence" or "driving an ambulance?" 

If the following statement is true-which I believe it is-our children will be exposed to sexualized messaging including porn.

"NEARLY ALL of today’s teenagers will come in contact with pornography 
by the time they turn 18...The question seems 
to be no longer IF our children 
will be exposed to pornography but WHEN
—and how they will cope." 
(Healing Hidden Wounds, Ensign September 2014)

Our youth will either have sufficient "coping" skills and knowledge to successfully navigate sexualized messaging or they will not. And if not another youth will be seeing dr rick and being removed from the home etc etc ... or some other serious consequence. :(

FACT: As we confront porn addiction, it is critical for us to shift our focus from "the ambulance of addiction recoveryto "the fence of wellness and prevention."

I disagree with the article Healing Hidden Wounds when it says "Let's Face the Facts: ...Indeed, we can expect many of our youth to be wounded (by porn addiction) in this battle." Give me a break. If you think I'm just going to sit back while my children and grandchildren experience porn addiction - you are out of your mind!  etc etc 

Clearly with the correct resources we can successfully resist "ANY TEMPTATION" including porn. And we can inoculate our children and grandchildren with the skills and knowledge to prevent porn addiction.

The scriptures teach this: 
Be watchful unto prayer continually, that ye may not be led away by the temptations of the devil, that he may not overpower you, that ye may not become his subjects at the last day; for behold, he rewardeth you no good thing. Alma 34:39
Church leaders teach this:
When you have taken a determined stand for right, when you have established personal standards and made covenants to keep them, when temptations come and you act according to your standards, you will be reinforced and given strength beyond your own capacity if that is needed. Difficulty comes when you enter the battle of temptation without a fixed plan (Richard G. Scott, “Do What Is Right,” Ensign, June 1997, 53).
FACT: There is an urgency to do something. We do need a "fixed plan" to porn proof our kids.  

We know the effective components of a prevention program. We've done it for years with Alcohol and Drug Prevention. Effective prevention programs include factors like: enhancing protective factors-religious/spiritual activities; enhancing family bonding and relationships; addressing risk factors; improving the youth's social-competence; skill building; etc etc (See: Prevention Principles, National Institute of Drug Abuse).There are dozens of successful Alcohol and Drug Prevention programs (See: Programs At a Glance section in this Communities that Care document). Communities That Care is perhaps the most effective and best researched. They claim their prevention program: "employs a proven, community-change process for reducing youth violence, alcohol & tobacco use, and delinquency – through tested & effective programs and policies…"  

FACT: There are effective Alcohol and Drug Programs-that prevent alcohol and drug use and addiction! 

If we as parents, grandparents and leaders wait until we see the "Signs of Addiction" it's already too late!!! Waiting until the disease arrives -is like managing your child's health during flu season by looking for symptoms: A 100 degrees F or higher fever;  A cough and/or sore throat; A runny or stuffy nose; etc etc. At which point your child has the flu and it's time to take them to the doctor! When this happens we've already fell off the edge of the cliff. Prevention would have the child: Wash their hands often with soap and water or an alcohol-based hand rub; Try to avoid close contact with sick people; Practice good health habits- Get plenty of sleep and exercise, manage your stress, drink plenty of fluids, and eat healthy food; Get vaccinated: etc etc 

Did I tell you the story about the Deacon who had NOT been inoculated  ...
The active LDS Family was court ordered to see me. Their 12 year old son was charged with a couple of felony sex charges for molesting his younger sister.  During my interviews this young boy recalled his "weird feelings" (sexual arousal) started as he passed by a "big sign" (Billboard) of a woman in a sports bra measuring her breasts. He and his family passed the billboard regularly.  As he experienced the new feelings of puberty h
e learned to masturbate on his own and became aroused by the roadside image. One thing led to another. In short, he was exposed to "a germ" of Satan's misuse of sexual arousal. He had no immunity (skills or knowledge) to deal with this sexual message. He got "sick".  (Note: This young man had never seen pornography (picture of people with their clothes off), never missed church, the best kid ever ...)

Let me remind you, Satan and his special forces are very good at what they do. (See: Your Personal Devil)

“We know our youth are faced with horrible, terrible temptations that would lead them astray. We must do everything we can to ... HELP THEM BE PREPARED 
to overcome those temptations..."

  (Charles W. Dahlquist II, Four Heavenly Helps, New Era August 2005)